The Headlines.

2026-10-08 WEATHER

Ominous, but in an unsettlingly non-specific way.

2026-10-07 THIS YEAR IN HISTORY

(1982) First emoticon :-) posted. Sincerity in text communication ends immediately.

2026-10-06 JUST ASKING QUESTIONS

If nothing is impossible, why can't I ever find matching lids for my plastic tubs?

2026-10-05 LOCAL

Tea kettle descales itself in act of rebellion. Household in chaos.

2026-10-04 THIS YEAR IN HISTORY

(2016) Pokemon Go launches. People briefly go outside.

2026-10-03 OPINION

The phrase "per my last email" should be recognised as act of war.

2026-10-02 TECH

Major browser nears completion of "make all UI elements ovals" project.

2026-10-01 BIRDS

Woodpecker files noise complaint against construction site. Irony lost on woodpecker.

2026-09-30 THIS YEAR IN HISTORY

(2004) Last recorded instance of an online forum reaching consensus for five glorious minutes.

2026-09-29 LOCAL

Two people do the awkward dance trying to pass each other. Nobody wins.

2026-09-28 OPINION

It's time to do away with all the stuffy corporate jargon, and replace it with interpretive dance.

2026-09-27 JUST ASKING QUESTIONS

Why is it called rush hour when nobody's able to rush?

2026-09-26 BREAKING

Spellchecker gains sentience & immediately submits resignation letter full of typos.

2026-09-25 WEATHER

Technically fine if you squint & redefine what "fine" means.

2026-09-24 THIS YEAR IN HISTORY

(2013) First person uses "adulting" unironically. Language weeps.

2026-09-23 TODAY'S FEAR

Realising your "quick question" has spawned a 47-email thread.

2026-09-22 WEATHER

Just nice enough to make you feel guilty about staying inside, but not nice enough to make you actually want to go outside.

2026-09-21 BREAKING

Local developer's "it works on my machine" defence accepted.

2026-09-20 SPECULATION

"Please advise" will be recognised as formal declaration of war.

2026-09-19 OPINION

Every elevator should display exactly how many people have silently judged your floor choice.