The Headlines.

2026-02-05 LOCAL

Someone waves thank you after being let through. Hope persists.

2026-02-04 BREAKING

Laptop charger found in logical location. Owner questions sanity.

2026-02-03 JUST ASKING QUESTIONS

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Adhesive industry declines to comment.

2026-02-02 FACT

Eating cereal for dinner is technically "reverse breakfast" and therefore healthy.

2026-02-01 BREAKING

Scientists confirm suspicion that Mondays are, in fact, significantly Monday-er than other days.

2026-01-31 SPECULATION

"Sorry for the delayed response" will be humanity's epitaph.

2026-01-30 LOCAL

Someone actually reads the article before commenting. Historians rush to document anomaly.

2026-01-29 BREAKING

Man finally uses the gym equipment he bought three years ago as a clothes rack.

2026-01-28 WEATHER

Exactly what you'd expect if you had low expectations.

2026-01-27 WEATHER

Suspiciously specific forecast predicts regret at 3:47pm.

2026-01-26 BREAKING

Tab hoarder finally closes browser. Computer celebrates with spontaneous performance increase.

2026-01-25 BREAKING

Procrastinator finally does the thing. Immediately begins new procrastination cycle.

2026-01-24 TODAY'S FEAR

Waving at someone who turns out to be waving at person behind you. Again.

2026-01-23 CHALLENGE

Can you find the hidden login link on our website? Yes. Yes you can.

2026-01-22 TODAY IN HISTORY

(2000) Y2K bug fails to materialise. IT professionals never forgiven for being prepared.

2026-01-22 TODAY'S FEAR

Someone may ask about your weekend plans on a Thursday. How will you respond?

2026-01-21 ENVIRONMENT

Local park installs suggestion box for trees. Responses mostly consist of leaf poems.

2026-01-20 BREAKING

Local library discovers treasure trove of 50-year-old unpublished YA romance novels, resulting in laughter & mild discomfort.

2026-01-19 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Every typo is a potential treasured meme.

2026-01-18 TODAY IN HISTORY

(1920) Invention of small print. Consumer confidence declines irrevocably.